[ she does NOT want to have this conversation. having this conversaiton forces her to entertain the possibility that clarke thought about her, even possibly worried about her, while faith wasn't around. she's not ready to accept that. ]
You realize that I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself rather than taking her at her word?
[Daenerys hadn't been asked to explain any of it. The difference is that Clarke has decided she has a vested interest in Faith, and this just comes along with the territory.
Yes, a simple allusion to the fact that she knows more. It's not as if she's outright lying, right?]
Neither of us? She's a monster. I'm a Slayer. I was doing my fucking job. I'm not gonna feel bad about taking her down a notch. And I'd do it again tomorrow.
Demons. Vampires. Freaking dragons, apparently. They're mine to deal with. I'm not gonna wimp out and cry uncle just because the power's gone. That's still me.
[ It's what Buffy would do. What a hero would do. And she'd felt like one, in Zerzura. She'd never get that feeling back. ]
What does that mean. "Deal with." You didn't "deal with" her, Faith. You got just as banged up and your injuries were almost identical. I'd almost say that you were a "freaking dragon," too.
My power. I take what other people can do. That's what this blue thing in my chest is doing, while it's suppressing everything else. Didn't figure that out til later.
[Clarke's typing will go on longer than it should. Enjoy that ... while Clarke looks for the right words. The first thing she types (or thinks and it's written) is "Don't steal my power." Some people have had it used on them, but they don't know the full extent of it. They don't know the depth of what she can do, or why she can do it.
And then she comes to the question that Faith overlooked. That Clarke made it easy for her to do, since there were other things to cover.]
[ This one comes at a considerable delay. Considering what Clarke had confessed to her, any moralizing from Clarke feels disingenuous now. That can't be what this is about. ]
[After a quick pause, she's typing again. She has more to add.]
I'm asking because I was attacked by a vampire, and then told that I was expected to know what it was. That "duh, vampire" is standard. It isn't. I was mad when it happened, mad when I was told that I had to keep my mouth shut about it.
[In hindsight, Clarke realizes this is the first she's spoken about it.]
I'm over it now. I'm friends with her. And before you say anything, forgiveness goes a long way.
But in trying to figure out what a vampire was, the rules kept being different no matter where I looked. Plus, it was all fiction.
So, dealing with them? I'd like to know for the same reason that I demanded to know whether she'd go after people like she did me that time again. I was right to make that demand with her.
[She doesn't add, "I'm right to make it with you, too." Clarke figures it's implied.]
Exist. That vampire friend of yours can't help what she is. When they die, when they turn, they lose their soul, and a demon takes up residence in their body. Talks like them, walks like them, but it isn't them. She can't help doing what she did to you. Sooner or later, she'll do it again. Your forgiveness doesn't mean shit.
[So, Daenerys had lost control. It explains why Rey knew so little. Clarke makes a note to return to her in time. Not right away, of course. But—in time. Let Daenerys have the chance to tell her story.
Or not at all. That could just as easily happen, too.
Either way, it explains the shame. Who would want to admit that condition?]
I understand. You did what you knew best, what you've been trained to do.
[ So Clarke can shove her judgment. Faith doesn't want it. But she's coming down, slowly, under the belief that this concession means Clarke really gets it, that she's laying down arms. ]
Your vampire friend is gonna lose control too, you know. It always happens.
I'm the Slayer, and far as I know, you've only had one lifetime to work with. I doubt you'll surprise me.
[ Especially since Clarke apparently thinks vampires are people, so Faith's personal body count is much higher than she would claim it to be in the first place. But who could compete with Angelus? Certainly not Clarke Griffin. ]
The way I see it, I don't think any single person is unforgivable. Every person can one day make the decision to do better, or one day they may have made the decision to stop. Maybe the world didn't give them that choice because it wouldn't let them survive.
It's about lending credence to whatever happened. To understand it.
I know that sounds like a load of BS. I even thought it was for the longest time. Sometimes I slip and still think that way.
But a friend of mine believed in me even when he didn't have a good reason to anymore. He was tired of what I kept dragging my people back into time and time again. And even so, he believed that I could make those choices and do things differently.
[ Buffy had tried that. 'Believing in her.' It had felt so fake at the time, but now, Faith just wonders why she hadn't been able to accept it. Everything has gotten worse since then, and it just keeps going. It'd be better if Buffy had just killed her on Graduation Day. ]
I should warn you, I'm not really looking for a sponsor.
I'm not offering. I've got my hands full with trying to rework this world so my people can come here.
It comes down to it being the right time or the wrong time.
[In a way, giving up had felt peaceful. Monty hadn't showed up until the very end, until she had wanted to die and let Josephine win. But even before that, she had seen herself as a cancer, a monster, something to excise and cut away. When Josephine had her chance, she pointed out that Clarke kept surviving—for what reason? For who? To Clarke, it seemed like the proper way of seeing it. But Monty's final words had creeped in, had come to help shape him and remind her.
Right before she gave up. Clarke waited until practically the last second for the "right time," but she's here. She's alive. It's not up to her to be Monty Green to anyone else. She can just be who she is for her people, and that's the burden that she can bear.]
[ Which is a lie given how much she'll run her mouth, but she's always preferred distracting herself with action from meaningful conversation at least. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@clarke.griffin | backdated
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[ she does NOT want to have this conversation. having this conversaiton forces her to entertain the possibility that clarke thought about her, even possibly worried about her, while faith wasn't around. she's not ready to accept that. ]
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[Clarke thinks too much about too many people. It's one of her downsides.]
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[Daenerys hadn't been asked to explain any of it. The difference is that Clarke has decided she has a vested interest in Faith, and this just comes along with the territory.
Yes, a simple allusion to the fact that she knows more. It's not as if she's outright lying, right?]
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What more is there to say?
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this keeps sneaking through my gmail labels but i fixed it
make it so strove has a lesbians label so you always prioritize it
I will say that I don't think it's likely that it'll happen again. That's my impression.
Honestly you're so right
She's a monster. I'm a Slayer. I was doing my fucking job. I'm not gonna feel bad about taking her down a notch. And I'd do it again tomorrow.
😎😎
Sorry, I don't know what that means.
[There are other questions to ask. Statements to make. But she'll start with what's the easiest part.]
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[ It's what Buffy would do. What a hero would do. And she'd felt like one, in Zerzura. She'd never get that feeling back. ]
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What does that mean. "Deal with." You didn't "deal with" her, Faith. You got just as banged up and your injuries were almost identical. I'd almost say that you were a "freaking dragon," too.
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I take what other people can do. That's what this blue thing in my chest is doing, while it's suppressing everything else.
Didn't figure that out til later.
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And then she comes to the question that Faith overlooked. That Clarke made it easy for her to do, since there were other things to cover.]
What do you mean by "deal with"?
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You know the answer to that.
1/2
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I'm asking because I was attacked by a vampire, and then told that I was expected to know what it was. That "duh, vampire" is standard. It isn't. I was mad when it happened, mad when I was told that I had to keep my mouth shut about it.
[In hindsight, Clarke realizes this is the first she's spoken about it.]
I'm over it now. I'm friends with her. And before you say anything, forgiveness goes a long way.
But in trying to figure out what a vampire was, the rules kept being different no matter where I looked. Plus, it was all fiction.
So, dealing with them? I'd like to know for the same reason that I demanded to know whether she'd go after people like she did me that time again. I was right to make that demand with her.
[She doesn't add, "I'm right to make it with you, too." Clarke figures it's implied.]
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That vampire friend of yours can't help what she is. When they die, when they turn, they lose their soul, and a demon takes up residence in their body. Talks like them, walks like them, but it isn't them.
She can't help doing what she did to you. Sooner or later, she'll do it again. Your forgiveness doesn't mean shit.
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According to those same rules, Daenerys is a monster because of her power here.
You realize that's what it was, right? The one this blue stuff gave to her?
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[ now, at least. Now that she understands that it was her power that made Faith steal it back. ]
She was out of control. What was I supposed to do? Let a whole bunch of people die because she lost her shit? I did what I had to.
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Or not at all. That could just as easily happen, too.
Either way, it explains the shame. Who would want to admit that condition?]
I understand. You did what you knew best, what you've been trained to do.
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[ So Clarke can shove her judgment. Faith doesn't want it. But she's coming down, slowly, under the belief that this concession means Clarke really gets it, that she's laying down arms. ]
Your vampire friend is gonna lose control too, you know. It always happens.
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Maybe. But I'm pretty sure my body count is higher than most people's, and I don't have "losing control" as an excuse.
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[ Especially since Clarke apparently thinks vampires are people, so Faith's personal body count is much higher than she would claim it to be in the first place. But who could compete with Angelus? Certainly not Clarke Griffin. ]
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[It isn't a pissing contest. It is, however, a measure of exactly what she was trying to make sure Faith understood about her.]
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[ Or if she was once, probably she's not anymore. But then, Faith's an American who's never seen a real war. ]
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[ It makes a kind of sense to Faith. ]
You really think that's possible? Isn't there always gonna be just one more thing?
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It's about lending credence to whatever happened. To understand it.
I know that sounds like a load of BS. I even thought it was for the longest time. Sometimes I slip and still think that way.
But a friend of mine believed in me even when he didn't have a good reason to anymore. He was tired of what I kept dragging my people back into time and time again. And even so, he believed that I could make those choices and do things differently.
Cw: suicidal ideation
[ Buffy had tried that. 'Believing in her.' It had felt so fake at the time, but now, Faith just wonders why she hadn't been able to accept it. Everything has gotten worse since then, and it just keeps going. It'd be better if Buffy had just killed her on Graduation Day. ]
I should warn you, I'm not really looking for a sponsor.
same, suicidal ideation
It comes down to it being the right time or the wrong time.
[In a way, giving up had felt peaceful. Monty hadn't showed up until the very end, until she had wanted to die and let Josephine win. But even before that, she had seen herself as a cancer, a monster, something to excise and cut away. When Josephine had her chance, she pointed out that Clarke kept surviving—for what reason? For who? To Clarke, it seemed like the proper way of seeing it. But Monty's final words had creeped in, had come to help shape him and remind her.
Right before she gave up. Clarke waited until practically the last second for the "right time," but she's here. She's alive. It's not up to her to be Monty Green to anyone else. She can just be who she is for her people, and that's the burden that she can bear.]
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[ and stop hassling her about who she is and isn't wounding, or being wounded by. ]
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[ Which is a lie given how much she'll run her mouth, but she's always preferred distracting herself with action from meaningful conversation at least. ]
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(i've linked the comment direct but thread about is relevant!)